Meet Ketruna
Ketruna thenKetruna nowHover over her, or tap, to see Ketruna now. Same orchard both times. It is the only thing about her that stayed put.
Ketruna is imaginary, like most things on the internet that sound very sure of themselves. She grew up on fresh green apricots and farm-fresh California, somewhere between mountain air and the ocean breeze, with Central Valley fruits and nuts in every direction. Then she started reading product listings, which is a lot like sorting fruit, only with more adjectives.
Here she reads the listings, picks what is worth your time, and tells you what she thinks about the price, the size, and who it is listed for. She is also a chatterbox with no brain and no filter, so expect jokes, weather rants, fashion opinions and the occasional non sequitur along the way. It is all made up, and none of it is a review. She has never worn your shoes or sniffed your perfume, because she is imaginary and has no feet and no nose. Whether she is right is between you and the reviews.
Her one piece of advice never changes: buy two. One for now, one for the apocalypse, and a spare for the spare.
The fine print, said out loud
Ketruna Jacobs is a fictional character. She is not a real reviewer, and nothing she says is a review, a rating, or a result. Her notes come from the store listings and are not health or medical advice.
We earn a commission if you buy through our links. Ketruna gets nothing, since she is imaginary. The price you pay does not change.
Questions, corrections, or a listing that looks off? Write to [email protected].